Matter of Fact

Do you matter?

I was watching a trailer for a movie and one of the actors said (venomously) to another that the character was deathly, existentially, afraid that they “wouldn’t matter”…and that got me thinking.

Matter to who?

The idea that we are inherently insufficient (emotionally fragile, easily broken) is an oft heard message in media, in our homes, in our work…our whole lives…and makes us dependent upon the judgment and validation of other people. We constantly seek to “matter” to other people because…why? Apparently because we cannot matter to ourselves and have that be the “end all be all” of living. We, in most cases, simply don’t know how.

Should I care if you give a shit about what I am writing right now? Does it matter that you read it at all?

There is no obvious answer except the knee-jerk response of “Hell yeah!” because it’s information that I think is important and would like to share with my peeps…thinking that they would profit (intellectually) from its knowing. And profitable peeps are happy peeps. But the question still hangs in the air as to why I should care if you care.

We’re social animals, of course, but we’re also independent creatures who are able to exist without other people (most of us anyway) so the idea that we “matter” to others is really based on that sociability factor and less on our own self-validation. Which is to say that if we value ourselves sufficiently, we don’t need reassurance from others and therefore don’t need to matter to them.

But no one got laid by not mattering…

…so, yeah…you matter…

…but not in the way that you think you do. I believe that you matter when you love yourself—fully accepting everything about yourself and fully aware of how you live your life—so that you can really love other people, I mean truly love them. You matter to them when you give them unquestioning, unconditional and supportive love…and you can only do that when you believe you actually matter to yourself, first and foremost.
You matter when you believe you do.


Believe. Go. Do.


Nothing Grows Fastest

Let the light in
pull the curtains away
from your face
away from your life
don’t you know,
don’t you know
nothing good
grows in the darkness
because “nothing”
grows fastest, it will
eat you away to
a shadow, to just
the suggestion
of who you were
replacing your love
your heart
your dreams
accept the depths
the hurt
the pain
the life
you’ve been given
accept the
the happy
the joy
the love
be who you are
be who you are
there isn’t
another on the planet
and we need you
we need you
to be
I need you
to be
a message, a motion
an idea
that can be emulated
…the more
you there is
the more
can be.

Someone You Don’t Know

My heart breaks, bleeds
a simple misery
tears of silent sadness
fall with these words, the
ugly cry, the wanton
and the wanting…my
heart breaks for you
for not living
the live that is yours

The ferocious demon in
your mind/mirror is yours
yours alone
created from pieces
of pain, from huge planet
sized dreams of hideous
disadvantage and
your own personal

I want to tell you, I try
to convince cajole collect
the billions of shiny
patterned pieces
of you that is goodness,
an iceberg of amazing
that is hiding below
your sea…and your eyes
ears, mind only know ice

So you don’t listen, you
don’t know what
you are, where
you are, who
you are when you are
always beautiful, sadly
wonderful, simply special
…merely amazing…always

You can know only
when you know like
being helped when you
agree to help
yourself, you can
only know when
aren’t mocking, aren’t
misery, aren’t reality

My heart breaks, bleeds
a simple misery
as you see only
that reality
that ice, that dream
of who you are, when
who you are
is someone
you don’t know


A best friend accepts you for simply being you and makes no moral judgments on your actions, understanding that we are all imperfect, flawed creatures. A best friend cheers you when you succeed and picks you up when you fail and sincerely appreciates both you when you do the same for them. A best friend helps you become a better person because they know that by doing so, it in no way makes them less of a person.

A best friend laughs at your jokes, tells you when you’re being an idiot, gives you advice only when you ask for it and basically allows you to be the person you are. Without question.

Learn to be your own best friend.

You will thank yourself.

Believe. Go. Do.


Word to your Mother


We grow up
with words, slowly
attaching meaning
emotion, want,
have…have not
inimical and
indelible they
sink into skin,
into squishy
grey matter
eggs for
words tell us,
show us
what is right…
enough agree
a word means it
the other thing
only it
until it doesn’t
and that
changes, that
evolves while
500 years ago
means fuck
was it fokken
or focka
they are words only
small signals in
long chains of neurons
associated with
a pattern
pointing to
and ever

Let Me Say This…


Thousands and thousands of the little buggers all strung together a trillion different ways, different meanings…contextual or not…meant to convey ideas, plans, philosophies, advertisements, love, sex, death…and on and on and on. A million million paper books in libraries known and unknown across the planet, a billion times that in digital storage on hard drives, in the cloud and on and on and on…


All those words are useless without action. Without some human somewhere deciding to use that word, those words, and do something to change the earth, the moment…or simply their own mind. We have words upon words muttered by person after person about things like climate change, about things like income inequality, about things like racism and sexism and a billion other “isms” and nothing changes because there is no meaningful action….

…no follow up to the words.

People use words to demonstrate that they are against…or for…whatever but they so skillfully ignore the fact that they aren’t actually “doing” anything about what they are for…or against…beside talking about it. Climate change was talked about by hundreds of thousands of people yesterday here in NYC, while marching toward…what? Hope? Hardly. Change?


The massive cost associated with switching to a renewable energy society will make most poor people a lot poorer because the high cost of “solving” climate change in their mind is worth it, is worth making poor people’s lives worse because they are saving a planet for “our children”. They know the words but they ignore the actions. They know the value while ignoring the cost. They want the world to change as long as they themselves don’t have to.

They are idealists.

But idealism has probably killed as many people as all the wars have but still it’s held on a high banner and looked at fondly as more and more words are spoken and written and emailed and shouted and on and on and on. And they feel good about what they “accomplished” even they have done nothing real or enduring except shouted words on a street in a city of a country on a planet circling a minor star out on the edge of just one a many billions of galaxies.

Nothing changes without changing yourself.

Believe. Go. Do.