you are your shadow

Dancing on clouds of Ambien, waiting
for a life never lived I sink
toward a reality that is covered in
a rough kind of sorrow
bought and paid for with everlasting credit
years ago…still
I felt a sort of hope
that;
as I rolled around in the shit of life
it was fertilizing
my dreams
it wasn’t
my dreams became the anchor
that sunk me deeper
now waiting for the edges above me
to come falling in on me
to cover me in that
rough sorrow
but then
it was a voice
a smile, a way of moving just a few fingers
and I saw a glimpse
a crack in history
as you seeped into my world
shadows of you
running like small boys on the playground
laughing and crying
like boys do
until I was covered
and the shit of life
receded
and I saw you clearly
the first
and the
forever time.

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said just like that

Racism,
misogyny
anti-Semitism
philandry
conservative
liberal…
hate
said just like that, no
flowery background context, no
squint in the eye, no
reason other than
to say it…and we lose
our minds;
hardwired? Were our minds
ever ours when
what we don’t know about them
is an ocean
what we do know;
a drop
and we look at ourselves
with microscopes
and CNN, with
cash in hand
we buy our thoughts online
sell our
outrage
to the highest bidder…we ask
does society invent
or exploit
am I destined
you
us
to create walls cages
steel and concrete boxes
stacked
on top of us
protecting our insanity
and the
complex
simplicity
of opening our eyes
to a new
day.

we

We want to be
noble, human to
human, we want
but can’t have
the moon
…an endless tide
pulling sense from the
senseless, we
we…
and that is the word;
“we”
it is not me
you
them
it is we
a wet and rocky ball
of
we
hurtling through a rough emptiness
passing stars
galaxies
we are the essential thing we need
want but can’t have, like
the moon
it is there…just…
there,
but we are in our own way
the thing
that stops us
is us
and we have to recognize
this, know it
deeply;
begin to separate our fact
from
our fiction…as
it is only ever
we
who will win
because me
you
them
are lost, will lose
without
we.

who we are

Written
on their face, the
lines of worry, the lines
that define an age, a moment
of inflection
as we drop the pretense, the
promise
never fulfilled
the lie told often
and over
…faith;
lightning was magic
the stars;
gods
and priests controlled access
a direct line
to the everlasting…
but we are no longer there, no
longer held in awe
in bondage
to fear, superstition
…we are human
fallible
wanting
but magnificent and
kind
if we forget what we believe
are told
to believe
and let go of old models, of
old ideas;
you are woman
you are amazing
alone
together, with
without…
… always deserving of human
respect
always equal
but
as eternally
unique
like me, like
you
without invisible
masters
absentee landlords
defining
who
we are.

the box

It is a hollowness, a bright
empty box where
hope used to be kept, discarded
authority defining the loss;
we continue because
why not
what we want can be anything
the packages delivered…
not so freeform, not
so assured
many, many voices all calling out
all chanting informally
decidedly (you think)
yet we are here
here
and here
exactly where
we’ve always been
looking and waiting for a thing
we can’t see
feel
or trust
but which we are betting our lives
will save us
of course I am talking about you
and you
and
you
there is someone waiting
an empty box in hand
willing to believe in authority
again, willing
“you” into existence
not making you
but
extending the you that you have created
into their realm
their sphere
into their
shiny
empty
box.

looking

I am waiting for it to pass, this
winter, this ebb of
tides
a slow roll toward
a dull ache…and
it will, they
always do
usually
mostly…
…hopefully
I look out on grey sunshine
on salt white streets
on and on
feeling the cold through
my eyes
watching silently
from perched windows
from where I am
above
trying to be there
longing to be
there;
above
I am waiting for
the warming of ventricles
arteries…veins
winter is in my heart
bleak and as cold
as I see from
windows looking down
looking
and looking
for a sign
that the cold, the razor sharp
biting and emotionless
cold
will pass, I am
looking for an end
and hoping
that it is
a beginning.

The Day Before

I’m no longer sure
who we are anymore…the days
slide by with little
help
with little
to remember except
a disagreeable attitude, a
longing for
humanity;
the fuck is wrong with us
we can’t talk
we can’t SEE each other
there seems to be little
connecting us
little to notice
when we’re apart
…we are political when
hope is needed
when love should be the thing
between us, it is
instead…
…fear
distrust
opposition
when Christmas should be
the comfort of friends
the warm joy
of consideration, generosity;
it is bleak and
partisan;
I don’t know the way
back
if we were ever there
to begin with (I want
to believe)
but we should try to
forget
remember;
decide that the skin
bones, blood, breath
and heart
mean something
bigger…not
just today.