roll over

The problem with words is that they are arbitrary sounds that only humans associate with any meaning. Trained animals (dogs, cats, dolphins, liberals, etc.) certainly don’t understand the words, they hear the intonations, the rising and falling frequencies, they recognize a pattern of sound that they’ve associated with a requirement through positive reinforcement, over and over…but they don’t understand.

Right now, go out on the street and tell a squirrel to roll over…see where that gets you.

The point I’m making is that there is no actual natural connection (i.e. not man made) between words and things. Nothing “real” that is permanent and inalterable like a flame is hot, like water is wet…and even then, those words are meaningless except that we’ve assigned mutually agreed values to them. Physical properties, regardless what we call them or what language we use, are simply that; properties. We didn’t assign them nor invent them.

They simply are.

When you read names of objects, analogies and comparisons of physical systems to human interactions you might think “wow, that’s so fuckin true!” but the reality is that it’s an illusion, it’s not even close to being “fuckin true”. It is simply our human brains creating meaning and order where neither actually exists. We need a way to explain the things that happen around us, we need to feel like we have control and understand life and living on this planet so we use names, analogies and comparisons

We use the words we understand to explain the things we don’t.

And we feel better and feel like it’s ‘so fuckin true!’ because our little brains make a connection and that connection creates a sense of peace and comfort where once was trauma and unease. What is actually true however is that nothing “real” connects words to the things they describe EXCEPT our brains, human brains, and the agreement between us that certain sounds in a certain order are symbolic stand-ins for those things.

So the next time someone explains something to you using an analogy or comparison—and what was difficult to understand before suddenly makes sense—know that it’s all just made up shit anyway.

Now who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?

Believe. Go. Do.





It’s the dance, the verbal sparring, the
midnight wishing…morning
waiting, the fading into mist, of
memories…they said welcome to NYC
so much to see choose and be
overwhelming and tiresome, on edge
and too comfortable to move
online, offline…looking
waiting waiting…changing
always changing until
until the changes have been too many
the moments too tiresome, another
life story told over wine
another insufficiency
missing the mark
toast and coffee, the train to the office
watching windows
seeing nothing but windows
the edge of reason falls away
what was decided before
seemingly intense and distasteful
looks not so
on another Monday morning in NYC
online and offline
overwhelming and tiresome, on edge
and too comfortable to move
online, offline…looking


This I know…

…what I so desperately want, what I truly believe I’ve worked hard for, spent countless hours obsessing over, have thought about day and night forever it seems…the thing that has monopolized my every waking hour and is the singular thing that I truly and deeply believe will make me happy…

…is not now—nor will ever be—guaranteed.


Because this is how life works. Because I want something does not mean I actually get it. Period. Regardless how much I want it, how hard I’ve worked for it…how deeply I intrinsically feel I deserve it. This fallacy is a singularly human trait because we can think and imagine the future and when we do so we imagine that future with us succeeding, with us attaining that thing we seek so devotedly. We imagine it so deeply it becomes our reality, quite removed from actual reality such that when the future does eventually becomes the present…

…we’re massively disappointed that they are so mismatched.

And it’s this disappointment that drives so much angst and sadness…that motivates so much anger at an “unfair” world. And the solution seems so difficult with competing motivations, the inability for us to separate wants from needs, from what we truly and deeply believe we deserve…but, when broken down, it actually is…simple.

Stop using the words “life” and “fair” together.

Life is not fair.

Working hard and spending the time toward that end goal is always—and will only ever be—a way to improve the odds of success. That’s it. And there is no amount of hard work or wishful thinking that will improve the odds to the point of inevitability. To a 100% sure thing.

  • A college degree is not a guarantee.
  • 80 hour work weeks is not a guarantee.
  • Being nice and helpful is not a guarantee.
  • Going to the gym 5 times a week and eating healthy is not a guarantee.
  • Listening, truly listening and being supportive of another person is not a guarantee.
  • Deeply and completely want want WANTING with every cell and molecule in your body is not a guarantee.

Simply…while life is not a legally enforceable contract, there is one guarantee given. You will die one day.

Everything else is up to you to do your best improving your odds of success.

It’s called living.

Believe. Go. Do.


I used to be pretty

She said, she said, I don’t remember
what she said to me at dawn
but I felt the stab, felt the cut
and passed out on her lawn

We were the people I looked at
the ones hand in hand forever
but time is an asshole, a jerk
and only knows the word “never”

I can’t remember the last time
I actually thought to like myself
and I still can’t find my own help
now all I think is that I feel shitty
all because I used to be pretty

She said, she said, I don’t think I listened
there were too many shades of me
and now I’m alone with…guess who
and not so sure it feels like free

Stupid and hesitant I just didn’t say
the things I know I should’ve said
would’ve and could’ve but no I didn’t
and this place is where I’ve been led

I can’t remember the last time
I actually thought to like myself
and I still can’t find my own help
now all I think is I feel shitty
all because I used to be pretty

I used to be pretty in my head
the way I thought of & treated her
all my feelings now are just dead
never knew how much I needed her

I can’t remember the last time
I actually thought to like myself
and I still can’t find my own help
now all I think is I feel shitty
all because I used to be pretty

now all I think is I feel shitty
all because I used to be pretty

now all I think is I feel shitty
all because I used to be pretty

No, the other channel…

People are like televisions with our emotions being individual programs, each having its own channel. The happiness channel, the sadness channel, the half happy/half sad channel, the channel that makes no sense at all, etc.….and regardless what’s showing on the screen, all of our other emotions are still playing in the background, just waiting for the channel to be changed.

Words are like the remote control for the TV…

…your words can help to change someone else’s channel.

How about choosing something good to watch, OK?

Believe. Go. Do.




…the difference between you and I is that I don’t give a fuck what you do. Ever. Unless what you’re doing is infringing on the constitutional rights of another person (i.e. me), then I really don’t care what you do. Really. Not a fuck.

Not even a little bitty, eensy weensy, tiny little fuck.

But…if you’re a conservative (on the right, republican, etc.) then some—among many, MANY—of the things you give a fuck about and want are to tell me who I can marry or which bathroom I’m allowed to use, you want to tell women what they can and can’t do with their bodies, you want religion to have an influence in our schools and government, you want us to pay more taxes so that we can go into foreign places and promote democracy with bombs and guns and on and on and on.

Or…if you’re a progressive (on the left, democrat, etc.) then some—among many, MANY—of the things you give a fuck about and want are to tell me that I’m too stupid and dangerous to own a gun, that I’m paying far too few taxes needed to support a cradle-to-grave government, that carbon is evil and must be destroyed or, better yet, taxed into oblivion, that corporations are evil and the people who run them are criminals simply because…and on and on.
So it is quite plain and clear to me that you all give far too many fucks…and that I am suffering from your fuck giving. That little ol’ me, whistling my merry tune, minding my own business is being seriously infringed upon by both you conservatives and you progressives.

What’s the beef with simply living your life the best way you know how, what’s wrong with loving the people who love you…what’s wrong with letting people live their lives the best way they know how and all of us just minding our own goddamn business?
Really, why?

Just wondering.

Believe. Go. Do.



Let’s talk about “cultural appropriation” shall we? Or at least, let’s make fun of the severely traumatized in society who quite loudly give a fuck…you know who I’m talking about.

So me…apparently I am only allowed to wear the native clothing associated with mid-century Polish and Ukrainians (have you seen that goofy shit?), a Scottish tartan and/or whatever they wore in the UK during WW2. Because, um, well, that’s my lineage and based on “cultural appropriation” I can’t really “appropriate” anyone else’s clothing because that’s an inherent part of their culture and because it, um, it…um…because it’s just wrong dammit!!

No, I have no idea why it’s wrong.

The point is that there is a thing called freedom of expression that we all—WE ALL—should be thinking about when we see things we may not agree with or even like. We can certainly voice our opinion “Hey girl! That’s some fucked up shit!” but the next thing we say we shouldn’t EVER be “…and you aren’t allowed to wear/show/say that because it offends me.”

Christ on a cracker! There is no possible way to separate the gazillion influences that mass migrations and the various immigration events (think the Ottoman, Irish, Cuban, Hispanic and other waves) globally that have occurred in the last 5,000 years, all of which have subtly and not so subtly changed fashion and what people wear…the tattoos they get…the makeup they put on….but even that is beside the point.

The point is that no one has the right to infringe the freedom of expression of another human being unless, by that expression, the other person is infringing someone else’s rights.


You don’t like what someone is wearing/saying/expressing? Awesome, great, brilliant!! Go protest, scream, cry, organize a boycott of their Instagram account, whatever but please, PLEASE! Shut the fuck up about their right to wear/say/express themselves.

Get over it.

Except maybe those new age wonders that end every conversation with “Namaste”…if they are not, in fact, a verifiable, 95 year old Indian Yogi then they really need to STFU.

Believe. Go. Do.