It Is Not

 

It persists; this
wound this ache, this
sense of weight gravity pulling
me toward the center…
this black hole of
dense hatred consuming
everything

and I misunderstand
thinking it is me
it is not

I look inward
seeing what I don’t understand
a dark thing throbbing
slowly expanding
blackness with no light, a
rotating funnel
where sympathy falls

and I misunderstand
thinking it is me
it is not

it’s a new thing placed…by
fear or pain or disgrace or
shame…looking
far too much alike
too much me
too much what I imagine feel see
think; in mirrors

and I misunderstand
thinking it is me
it is not

the wound is temporary; like
life is fleeting
like pain is perception
knowing it is not me, it is
transition
movement toward, away
forgotten now

and I misunderstand
thinking it is me
it is not

the deep hole will occasionally
return
the dark funnel
a rotating descent
but now I understand
thinking it is me
it is not

The Mirror

Society; the media, the very institutions that we were educated by as well as our parents and friends who were indoctrinated by those same forces all tell us, preach to us—command us—to look to external authorities to validate who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Girls must be Barbie thin with big tits who give away in the bedroom what they are denounced for in public…boys must be virile, tall, muscular and aggressively successful and NEVER show emotion.

And both genders have to be handsome and beautiful for every second of every day regardless of the emotional hurricanes raging inside.

Society not only commands us but actually DEPENDS upon us to look to them for defining ourselves because without that intimate dependence, without that hungering need, what the fuck kind of good examples does society actually provide for us?

War is good?
Success is the only result allowed?
Conceit is preferred?
Anger works?
Hate is just a different perspective?

No…no one has to tell you what you’ve known since you were born—regardless that you actually believe this—and that is that the ONLY person, place or thing on this entire mother fucking planet that you are required to look to for validation…

…is you.

That you have all the tools necessary to live a happy and fulfilling life…not the life advertised, promoted, and defined by people you not only don’t know, but whom you’d probably dislike upon meeting. Not the life of;

reality TV,
car and beer commercials,
a corporate corner office,
sports “hero”

You deserve a life that you wake up to smiling and happy to live everyday even when there are rough patches or you may fear or think that it’s too difficult. And you love that life because you love and accept the creator of that life. You only need to look as far as the mirror to ask for approval and seek validation to live…

…a life defined by you and you only.

But sure, it’s a complete shit show getting there—getting to where you love and accept yourself—with many setbacks and attempts, with society fighting you every step of the way because it’s addicted to you, to your blind fealty and unquestioning adoration. Yep, it will probably be the hardest thing you’ve ever done—shaking off those chains—and will likely take a while to get to where you can look at society with a concentrated critical eye and basically say;

“Um, can you get the fuck out of the way, you’re blocking my view of happiness.”

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

The Obsidian, The Sand

You are the tree, the mountain, the
night sky with an infinity
of stars
giving the faintest
shadow to your
dreams
and there are words

There are words spoken
meant to hurt, to
divide your internal forces
to grind, to
remove small parts
of you
at a time

You are the obsidian, the sand, the
shards of earth left-over
from creation, from
the insides of stars
immoveable, unstoppable
great deep gravity
wells

They are words created by men, women
simple sounds strung
together…standard across
languages
across time, they are
poised, meant
to hurt

You are the effortless ocean
washing the land clean
forever moving,
being, a harmonic
of yourself
you will be here there
with the stars

They are words, jumbled compact
echoes between our
own fears…about
us, them, love, hate
and we are always thinking
they have edges,
knives for stabbing

You are untouchable by frequency, by
the shake of fist
how would a mountain
reply
if it even heard
the faint
curse of man?

Breath deep

A friend of mine recently got a tattoo of a flying taco (it had eagle wings) with the head of a unicorn and ass-end of a cat and there was a rainbow coming out of the cat’s ass. I told him before he got it that it was a stupid idea. In fact all of us (his peeps) told him he was just bat shit crazy to get the tattoo. Seriously, it was right across his entire chest.

Yeah, completely bat shit crazy

But we couldn’t talk him out of it no matter what we said. No matter what logical arguments about regret, about being shunned…hell, about being laughed at by girls he was trying go out with. He went ahead and got the tattoo.
And he owns that shit now.
I mean he’s super proud of it and just stares at us blankly when we try to talk to him about it. No matter what we say—or how many times we say it—he just smiles as if we’re talking a foreign language. He points out the good things; the notoriety, the semi-fame around the local and on and on.

There is nothing that we can say that will make him change his mind so now we’re looking the crazy fuckers for repeating the same noises, over and over. Now our peeps are kinda looking at us sideways because we can’t seem to get the with the idea that we’re done with nothing new to say.

That there’s nothing left to do but just be the guy’s friend.

Now re-read that above and instead of the tattoo, imagine I said “voted for Trump” and…
…just let it go.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

Machines

 

What I want is the machine, the
grinding guttering grabbing
machine that eats time, that
looks at today and
sees meat and plates and
cups of wine and thinks;
dinner time…
I want what we are living through
eaten and
digested and turned
into proteins and carbohydrates
and long chain molecules
so that something
anything
good comes from the pain, the
effortless result of hurting
called life
not my life
the endless dragging shuffling
of millions, billions
toward a death predicted
indicted
because a trick of geography
put them where water isn’t
where health abandoned
where birth is an immediate
death sentence…
that machine or another, one
that makes hopes dreams luck
and ends pain, ends
the need to learn
to suffer
silently…always
looking toward
machinery…we
die against the gears
and wheels
dreaming
of better machines.

This is what I mean by liberal.

 

A friend of mine, a smart guy I like a lot, is a dyed in the wool liberal with as progressive views as you can possibly get. I like to debate various political viewpoints and I assume he enjoys it as well. Sometimes, however, his overriding liberal principles really show me why I’m not a liberal.

An example is from a while ago.

I started a vigorous political debate in a post I made, not that I remember the details, but I can attest that it was forceful and likely contentious. Half my peeps are red state conservatives, the other half blue dog liberals and the final half somewhere in between (like me) so there is usually some form of “energetic” political argument going on.

This particular debate had become rancorous between two peeps with personal insults flying like honey bees around a trashcan at the zoo. Peeps calling out the other person’s mother almost kind of insults. Needle-like, mean spirited insults.

The conservative peep’s tactic was to just keep slinging them, narrowing the focus after each successful hit. My liberal peep however, did exactly what I would expect a liberal to do in the real world:

He went behind the scenes via messenger to complain to me to make the other guy stop.

Now I say “expect a liberal to do in the real world” because that’s what happens. When a liberal is met with opposition to his perspective (i.e. the public doesn’t want to do what the liberals want them to) they immediately try to use the power of the state (any perceived authority really) to force other people to do what they want. Instead of using the power of persuasion and free speech, they rely on the force of the state to conpell peeps to comply. My peep came to me because it was my page where the argument was held, it was my peeps arguing therefore I was the authority.

What did I say to him?

I replied: “Yeah he can be kind of an asshole but it’s free speech on my wall. Call him an asshole back, disparage his maternal bloodline…or not. It’s up to you…being all free speechy as I am ”

Because that’s the way I roll and because that’s the way America is supposed to work and is one of the things I hate about both political extremes…yes, conservatives do the same damn thing about using state power to make people do things they don’t want to do.

Free speech is a wonderful gift, human right and something we are born with.

Use the shit out of that fucker.

Now don’t get me wrong, I may dislike the liberal political philosophy (as well as the conservative) but that doesn’t stop me from liking peeps. We are not our politics, we are independent, loving, warm human beings all scrabbling on the face of a small rock hurdling through space. We need each other if we’re going to succeed at not destroying each other (roll that around in your brain) so I make this point not out of spite but out of kindness and concern.

Free speech is a truly amazing thing.

Use the shit out of that fucker.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

Just knowing

 

We
the collective us, a
massive collection,
a mob, glut…
7 billion or
so
we are promises
broken;
kept, we are
intent and
achievement, we
are lost while
found, we hold
ourselves
first…
and deny
this fact
a push pull confrontation
down here in the deeply contentious
mud of humanity, we swarm
we think;
the epitome of
shame…but
love
but…
love rises
the
apogee of endeavor, we
die for ideas, for
forward movement
for the safety
of friends family
truth
we fight with
disregard
and always have
knowing
in spite of books
holy texts & tomes
legend & lore
beside our own
beliefs…
we are
all we have
ever
had.