“When I was”

 

 

When I was 10 I knew what I wanted

For lunch but never thought much farther ahead than that

Who needed to?

 

When I was 20 I knew what I wanted

By knowing what I didn’t want

I didn’t want to see the wires that held up the flying angels in the play

I didn’t want to feel the stinging cold of the glare of a woman scorned

I didn’t want to know the answers to the questions beforehand

I didn’t want to feel left out, unaware or forgotten by my friends

 

When I was 30 I knew what wanted

By knowing what everyone else wanted

I wanted to be rich and drive an expensive car and live in a big house

I wanted the perfect wife who had bridge night on Tuesdays when I went bowling

I wanted to be a picture in the newspaper underneath exciting words about fantastic things

I wanted success and more of everything than my father ever had

 

When I was 40 I knew what I wanted

By knowing what I could have

I wanted to know and understand reality for exactly what it is; not how I wanted it to be

I wanted to be happy to open my eyes in the morning knowing always what the first thing I will see is

I wanted to go back and not be a selfish idiot when it was really important to not be a selfish idiot

I wanted to forgive when it was easier to blame

 

When I am 50 I will know what I want

By knowing what I want to be

I want kindness to be what I am known for…just ask the kids in my neighborhood

I want generosity to be an aura that follows me everywhere

I want invisible curiosity tattooed on the underside of both eyelids so I am always looking for something

I want a hand to hold when the path is uneven, and,

 

When I am 60, 70, 80 and beyond I will know what I want

By knowing what I want to leave

I want to know that where I have been and what I have done has left a mark…

 

…on someone…