Ultimately

A long and empty highway…way out, way out where no one knows the moment you disappear,
knows the exact instant that the horizon behind you seeps through and you finally feel the fear
where no one is a stranger as much as they are the deepest person you’ve ever known…
where you ultimately understand who you are when you’re holding that 3 AM phone

 

You are who you are and who you’ve always been

 

I look out on the long simple movement that
we call life, call existence…like we call the ambulance, like
we call for a second opinion…and I see nothing
that I’d ever expect.

I don’t know what’s worth dying for, maybe
that’s the beginning of the problem, maybe
that’s where the answer ends…all or nothing;
all or…everything else.

 

The vibrations that lie underneath the living we do, the love we have, the moments we keep in our pocket
risees above the surface enough for us to feel…to finally feel alive…yet what we do is turn off that socket
not because it’s too heavy or immovable or something that blinds us with it briliance and shine
but because its what we can’t have, can’t decide, can’t devote enough to and ultimately can’t define.

 

It is what it always is and always will be

 

I look out on the long simple moments that
we call happy, call joy…like we call the police, like
we call for a second helping…and I see nothing
that I’d ever want.

I don’t know what’s worth dying for, maybe
that’s the beginning of the problem, maybe
that’s where the answer ends…all or nothing;
all or…nothing.

 

I’ve been on that long highway…I’ve felt the vibrations as they radiated out and through and became
those things we keep in our pocket, that we don’t light anymore, that will never be the same
and what I’ve seen has led me to where I am, who I am and, maybe, maybe one day who I will be
I am scared, fearful and shivering, but it is something I hope that will be the thing to set me free

 

And be…just be.

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