A Sadness Full of Lifetimes

 

We have those moments, a sadness full
of lifetimes; of regret and casual pain, of
a weight on our shoulders our souls our
movements constrained and directed.

We look from a hurting inside…a vantage
point deep inside behind and under; we
only see little of what is possible and all
of what is not.

Time shifts into a creaky low gear a slow
grind toward an end we know well we think
we know so well have seen before again
and again and again.

The weight never shifts never releases us
from it’s gravity it’s relentless trajectory
down down down toward the bottom of
where we can’t see.

Something happens…in that blurry nothing
that empty space between seconds minutes
between spinning atoms of dark dislike
and deep despair.

We forget, for an instant, and stumble upon
happy…a day a year a second we don’t
feel the weight don’t feel the coming end
of where we can’t see.

Nothing physical has changed no formulae
disrupted no chemicals disturbed…all
systems go and operational yet yet yet
nothing is the same.

It lasts-it doesn’t-it is permanent-it is not
it is there and not there in equal amounts
all aligned along the edge of who we are
waiting to be put into place.

A sadness full of lifetimes; the same, the
mirror/the twin of a happiness waiting to
be stumbled upon…not replaced not
removed not rewound.

it is us…it is always always always us…the
weight feels heavy like lightness sets us
free and it is our thoughts our dreams our
ideas and always just us.

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