the ultimate irrelevant point

It is a silent, factual moment I am waiting in
while small wonder creates ripples of sadness
I am thinking deeply, surreptitiously about
commitment focus belief and the ability to
wipe it all away, purposefully de-thinking the
place, the time…the effort of living…while
diving deep into a confused morass of ideas
thoughts wonderment thinking thinking
toward an understanding I can’t ever possess

A video on the internet showing a man upset
a man focused and committed to his anger, his
uncompromising attitude of correctness enveloping
everything he is, says…does…I can see the
empty promise in his eyes, the resignation of
agreement of direction flow movement…I can
see the flame in his hand, darkened clothing
from the wet of kerosene…he lights himself
on fire and makes the ultimate irrelevant point

I am examining the world with a lens made of me
with a filter set on “all” so unavailable so
inexplicable to be able to feel that thought, a
single thought encompassing everything as a
blanket of seriousness like none before, like
god on earth, like none I could ever be; I am
thinking about how that thought arrives, how it
is announced in the foyer of consciousness
how it is here, it is now, it is everything

There is no sound, he sits cross legged, flames
dancing to a tune only he hears, no sign of
pain understanding awareness that this is the last
dance, the last fading reverberation of living, the
moment before the moment left to doubt…but
that is the factual silence I am in, the shadowless
space between what I knew and what I think
when all I have is me…now…here and I am happy
sad that I will never possess that thought

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