I was walking across the street earlier this morning, I *desperately needed* a toasted bagel from the bodega down the street, when a huge Tow truck came speeding out of nowhere and barely missed running me down. When I say “barely” I mean that the door handle of the truck grazed the tip of my nose. Literally grazed my nose…as in touched it. But just before I stepped off the curb though and even though I was the only one there, I felt a hand on my shoulder tugging me backward. That small tug was just enough to slow me that the truck missed me. The truck was going so fast that it was truly a miracle that I wasn’t killed. I doubt the driver ever saw me.
After the truck passed and I was standing there in a daze, I suddenly felt my body get lighter and I felt filled with a light that glowed from the inside out and I heard a voice. It was like a voice from the kindest, most wizened grandfather…the voice said “Trevor…I have saved you for a purpose, your time on earth is not done yet.”
I was stunned and I started shaking and tears were flowing down my cheeks…I was talking to God! Or he was talking to me but I felt him in me, I was warm all over from my insides out and I felt how real and close he was. A lifelong atheist I have never imagined that this would happen to me…I had eschewed organized religion for years just because I couldn’t imagine that God existed and that, if he did, why he would care about us. I was on the verge of believing in something that I had spent my entire life arguing the opposite…I could feel the faith rising in me, becoming a part of me…it was truly amazing. I felt so loved, so needed and wanted…
I could still hear the tow truck speeding away into the distance and I didn’t want to lose the moment, the opportunity to talk to God (who knew if I ever would again) so I spoke back to him. I didn’t know what else to say so I asked “God? Are you real? Are you talking to me from inside me?” and I knew he was immediately, I felt his realness all around me. I felt that the world was finally in order, that I could ultimately understand why we are here, what our purpose was…what we, what I was meant to do.
I saw how wrong I’ve been about everything…how we really need to protect and save the helpless among us and that no amount of help is too much, that the rich among us have a responsibility to help the poor. That taxes are a small, infinitesimal price to pay for trying to create a heaven on earth, for spreading the word. I saw how misguided I was about people…that they shouldn’t be allowed to make their own choices because there is a higher power, a much higher power—PRAISE THE LORD!!—and that it’s our role to make those decisions for our fellow man.
The faith inside was rising ever higher as I saw and felt these truths grow and replace all the heathen-istic and hedonistic crud that had filled my life up to today. I must have looked insane standing on that curb, arms upraised, tears streaming down my face as I looked to the heavens and I shouted “Tell me Lord!! What am I meant to do?! Tell me what you want of me!!” and in that same loving resonant voice I heard into the very center of my soul…”um, you gonna eat that bagel?”