It’s kind of an amazing thing actually, considering there are no long years of intense schooling, no onerous and rigidly impressive entrance examination required, no monitored residency or other practical legal requirements and no license or regulatory commissioning…it is basically just letting nature do what nature is wont to do and then after 9 uncomfortable months or so, a highly energetic (and admittedly painful) admittance to the Mother club.

The amazing thing isn’t the actual admittance test—squeezing that wriggling little human through a tunnel 5 sizes too small—although that is pretty damn amazing (and kind of gross actually), the truly amazing thing is that even without that entrance examination or formal training, without under and post graduate schooling or any kind of monitored internship, these truly incredible women we know as our mothers have done such an astounding job of taking what we frankly admit were dismal specimens of humankind and, against all odds (and loud and constant prediction from other family members) created personable and productive members of society.

Well, most of us anyway.

So on this auspicious day of joy and thanks, it is not to the underpinnings of motherhood we raise our shared glass but to the fact that in the desperate throes of early childhood, in the darkest of dark nights where we cried without succor or respite, in the unmanageable space of our tottler-hood and our unholy entrance to adolescence via that purgatory known as puberty…no, on this day of days, we raise our glass and thank mothers everywhere for the simple fact that, faced with the monstrosity called childhood, they didn’t just give up and drown us in the tub.

Thanks Mom!

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