ASSHOLE detector

So this is my grand conspiracy theory around stuff like this…

Twitter was actually invented by an elite corps of intellectuals in the thirties (yeah, I know, with no internet yet they had to wait a while before fully testing it) who saw the encroaching de-intellectualization of the planet and were literally aghast (the word “aghast” was actually invented to describe these feelings). They collectively and inherently understood that this de-prioritization of thought, this denunciation of progress, was the unique element that had the ability to completely and utterly destroy the planet upon which we all live and are dependent upon.

This highly functioning group was a cross-sectional crew encompassing intellectuals from all areas of the then current spectrum of geniuses…Einstein, Tesla, Roosevelt, Edison, Churchill, Rand, Twain, Bongo the Counting Horse, etc…whose main and singular goal was the establishment of a worldwide process for very publically and transparently identifying—with as high a degree of precision as humanly possible— every fucking idiot, wherever they resided on the planet and to fully and completely eradicate them.

Backed by a powerhouse, global consortium of various trust fund recipients (and the odd lottery winner), the movement was a strong and articulate advocate of thinking and progress who, until their funding ran out 6 months after their founding, sang the praises of truth and science throughout the world, including some of the more sketchy areas of Brooklyn. While the actual functional act of instantaneously vaporizing anyone whom the process identified as a fucking idiot was stripped out of the original device, the code is still there and can be activated at any time.

Fast forward 8 decades and we have Twitter finally in the form and carrying out the function that it was designed for so long ago in those Smokey back rooms…the Accurate Sub-Sonically Housed Objective Lame Enjoinder Device (or ‘detector’ depending which Wiki page you believe).

Also known as the “ASSHOLE Detector”.

If you read this article, it seems it’s working pretty damned good.

Now we just need to find someone who can work on that code.

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