I was talking to a friend the other day when he said that he really liked someone—loved them actually—and he knew them for a long time but that she had friend-zoned him and that he was really frustrated. I called him a fucking dumb ass. He got kinda real mad at me but I explained to him what I meant and he sorta settled down. At least we’re still friends I think.
I said that she hadn’t friend zoned him, he had done it himself.
You see, I said—and we were drinking so it was a long, round about conversation that I’m editing here for length—you get to make the choice. Regardless the circumstance, regardless the girl, regardless anything else in the universe…you get to make the choice whether to stay or go.
She already told you her choice.
Now, I said, I’m assuming that you actually told the girl how you felt—that you truly and deeply loved her—and that you’re not pining away, unrequited and silent in all your butt hurt glory. And that when you told her this truth, she then said that she didn’t feel the same, that she loved you as a friend but didn’t feel anything romantic, that kind of attraction just wasn’t there.
Thus, what you call the friend-zoning.
But that’s actually not the case because you can just walk away. You can choose not to suffer the daily trauma of being in love with someone who is not in love with you. You simply have to choose whether her friendship is worth that trauma because she is NEVER going to feel different.
That bell has rung and can’t be un-rung so you either get over it or you walk away but please PLEASE stop saying that she is doing this thing TO you…you are choosing this course of action every day, knowingly and willingly. You are doing it to yourself. You can accept it, be a friend and pursue someone else for the romantic love bit you’re looking for…
…or just goddamn walk away.
But whatever you do, and this is where the drinking bit showed itself the most, just shut the fuck up and get me another beer.