Some while ago someone asked me (as far as dating) what I am looking for.  I’m not sure she was prepared for my answer:

The question is “what am I looking for” and the answer, well, the answer isn’t so easy.  I search for the impossible, knowing full well that not only doesn’t it exist, it never has and never will.

As a species we inundate ourselves through media and advertisements, magazines (and on and on) with visions and descriptions of people who are figments, mere diaphanous two dimensional pictures, made up and projected at us 24/7/365.  These images are made to be perfect because no one is (perfect) and it’s that difference—that deep and wide gulf—that sells cars, beer, soap, makeup, clothes…and on and on and on.

We want, we need, we HAVE TO HAVE perfection!

Because we’re told so, over and over again, in so many ways and though so many different vehicles that we don’t match, we don’t add up…we’re not good enough to be loved as we are.  But that new car…that bottle of beer…that new pair of shoes…that different whatever…will be the last straw, the last tiny bit needed to cross that chasm towards perfection.

And then we will have it all.

But we all know it’s lies and fantasy, bullshit from bullshitters, and we look the other way because looking at the truth is painful and annoying.  It doesn’t initially feel good.  There is no instant gratification.  And it certainly does not sell cars, beer, clothes or makeup.

I’m looking for imperfect perfection, ironic seriousness and a beauty that is both unique and ubiquitous.  I am looking for a person that loves and accepts herself and by doing so unleashes a beauty unmatched; unique, natural and sustainable.  There is no recipe for what that is but I will know when it is there in front of me because I am awake and looking for it.

As I said…the answer is not so easy.