This I know…

I will wait forever to hear “yes”…

…but I want to hear “no” as soon as possible.

I know a lot of people make fun of all my gazillion First Date’s, (well, the people who give a shit) but very few actually ask about the Second or Third Date. In fact, you and they may imagine that I don’t actually do anything but have First Dates. And you would be wrong…

…I do.

Lots of them…but I don’t write about them for the simple fact that I don’t want to invade the privacy of the girl I’m going out with. I can write about the First Date because I don’t know her yet, I never mention her by name and I never really go into any kind of detail about the date other than the occasional diatribe when the date has gone horribly wrong. Those I actually enjoy writing, in fact. But…

…back to Yes versus No.

We all invest our time in various things daily…in our job, in our friends, our hobbies…and as crass as it sounds we do so with the hopes that there is a return on that investment…or ROI. We hope that the time we spend on our job rewards us (gives us an ROI) with money and a sense of self-worth. We hope the time we spend with our friends is more geared toward an ROI of a sense of acceptance and the love we feel…it’s a psychic reward. The ROI on our hobbies is that hopefully we relax and enjoy this “life” thing. But in all cases, the ROI is based on the amount of time we are willing to invest versus what we expect to happen…(and he’s the important bit)…WHEN we expect it to happen.

Imagine that you’re thinking of changing careers so you research what it takes to become Corporate Lawyer. With the additional schooling, the bar exams and the experience you will need to get there, it is likely a 10 year (at least) plan…and you’re more than qualified in all intellectual respects…but you want to be a Corporate Lawyer NEXT WEEK. That is when you want to see the ROI for all the work that will go into becoming a Corporate Lawyer. Well…

…do I really need to say anything?

All investments we make, regardless for what, have a time component attached that is as important as any other requirement. It’s no good if you finally get what you want but its usefulness is zero because too much time had passed. No one invests their time expecting nothing back and they definitely don’t set an open ended time for when they expect to be rewarded.
No one.

So let’s talk about the investment of time for First Dates. While I don’t have an exhaustive laundry list of requirements for the woman I want to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life…and that is the point of dating, by the way…I do have a general understanding of the person I am looking for. And more important than that who I am NOT looking for. I will go on Second and Third and Fourth (on and on) dates with someone whom I believe ultimately has the qualities I feel are best for a relationship…but I want to know IMMEDIATELY if they do not. The more immediate the better. The middle of the date is good 😉

Now I am always kind and sincere and explain my feeling and say that I just didn’t feel the chemistry, or that “click” and that I wish her all the best of luck yadda yadda yadda but I cut the cord as early as possible if I don’t feel “it” for that person. Like I said;

I will wait forever to hear “yes”…

…but I want to hear “no” as soon as possible.

So, yep, I go on a lot…and I mean A LOT…of first dates but that is really the only way—that works for me, my life, my schedule, etc.—to efficiently find the person I want to fall in love with and be with. But I also go on additional dates and have relationships you don’t hear about because, well…

…it’s none of your goddamn business!

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

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