It used to be that you knew where and who the assholes were and you could easily, if not always, avoid them handily. They were the asshole at the drycleaners, the jerk at the DMV, that weirdo down at the bottom of the steps to the subway…all easily identified and avoided as needed. But in recent times, pre-dating Trump actually, the assholes have had a resurgence and are just about everywhere you look. In the past an asshole was someone who, through their own machinations or simply from fate, had an axe to grind with the world and because you were a member of that general demographic, they directed their righteous anger at you. That anger was usually predicated on some apparent slight they had suffered at the hands of “them”. “Them” being the nameless, faceless demigods of society who control the universe from the darkness, from the shadows.

Not you but that makes no difference.

Today there is an asshole just about everywhere you look, stoked by social media, they shout and scream about whatever the “shit dujour” is. They are increasingly loud, pedantic and overbearing…aghast that you don’t immediately join their cause because, after all, they’re right and the entire planet of almost 8 billion are absolutely wrong. And they will go into excruciating detail explaining exactly why.

They are Infowars conspiracy nuts.

They are ultra-left-wing progressives.

They are #metoo protagonists

They are InCel dumbfucks

They are, well shit, pick a category and you will find an asshole.

The point is that there are more assholes today than there were yesterday and there will be more of the little buggers yelling at you tomorrow. All indignantly “correct” in the sphere of influence in their own tiny worlds but absolutely determined to indoctrinate you as an honorary member.

So what do you do?

When presented with an asshole, simply imagine them as some sort of wild animal who is screaming a guttural or keening cry as they wander around civilization…looking for a home, their own wild animal family or even just a warm dark place to sleep. They scream in an animal non-language like a cat meowing or dog barking; meaningful to other cats and dogs but useless to humans.

Pretty soon they stop screaming at you because you won’t respond in their animal language and they go away, or simply get too tired to be an asshole.

Seriously, assholes have expiration dates.

DID YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING JERK!!

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen