Cancer is human cells dividing without control, with the ability to
move to other tissues…sounds not too bad, like we just need to get the
guest bedroom ready, extra blankets out…set another place at
the dinner table but we give kindness where none is returned or
expected or acknowledged.
I can’t see inside my body…not without help…so I don’t look but
other people have and do look inside themselves and they’ve seen scary
monsters, the kind that are real, the kind that have all the time in the
world to use all of their time…in their world…without explanation, without
care, acknowledgment or kindness…never kindness.
I doubt that people with cancer consider themselves an
analogy, a diagram, a parable or a lesson learned…as I imagine
they watch the TV-papers-news-blogs-internet and read read read
about what other people think-feel-know about themselves…about
what it is like looking out the windows of their lives.
There are reasons and there are no reasons and there is no
fairness about who gets which but regardless; knowing a bullets
origin and precise trajectory, the muzzle velocity and exact grain
count of the explosive propellant doesn’t mean much to the flesh
that rips opens upon impact, the organs waiting on the other side.
People with cancer pretty much know things we don’t…those
things we pretend don’t exist, look away from, deny and deny and
deny…because we haven’t been scanned-poked-prodded, haven’t smelled
the stench of silence descend in a clean white room, haven’t looked toward
tomorrow and seen the long empty hallway of time end abruptly.
Our lives are based on what we know, can dream of and imagine about
life itself, we move in concentric circles waiting for time to catch up, for
motion movement ambition to define the now we inhabit…people with
cancer push back on time, they straighten their lines, and motion movement
ambition becomes a snapshot held up to the light for a better view.
This is not a sad world, it is not a happy world; it is a careless and
oblivious world where people with cancer know things we don’t know
we know them…and then
we won’t want
a parable or
a lesson learned