Warm Gravity

 

The hair on the back of my neck
stands perpendicular, stands
out from the crowd, stands by
and watches;  I am scared…alone
…I am past the safe part; swimming
far from land, from pure ability
and simple necessity…I reach for
what I can and see
that it is only
what I imagine.

A fickle slim voice calls out from
below; “it’s silly to think this way”
singing from dusky shadows
huddled tentatively in corners where
starlight doesn’t reach, where ideas
taper off to razor thin nothingness,
where I am back to lonely-sad-uncertain
thought patterns, a wobbly echo; a
billiard ball rolling slowly past
the winning pocket.

I feel warm gravity suppress and
hold down the fear, hold close
the idea that now is where I should be,
that yesterday left no stain, left no
forwarding address, left nothing
to chance…I flip over on my back
and stare upwards, stare at a ceiling
of stars, each one a possible
path forward.

In my mind I am doing the backstroke,
hand over hand I am sliding through obvious
uncertainty, through mobile obscurity,
through and through until I am everything
and everything is me…each
shining pinpoint above me a molecule
of forgiveness, one of a million,
billion beating hearts all floating
across the surface of my soul.

The night sky lengthens and disappears
into the distance, a distance too far
removed, too far apart from me and always
just beneath the surface of my skin, just
where I can barely feel it evaporate from
the cool wind of chance, the miniature
moments left still and wanting on lips, on
the dynamic surface
of my dreams.

I swim on and begin to know that I am
responsible for my gravity, for creating
warmth, emotional acceptance and
connection to me, to you, to
the universe…it is the evaporation
of time that leaves this oily residue…this
history or mistakes and failure and
success and joy and starlight of
opportunity shines on it all…
regardless of
paths or shadows.

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