Choosing to Have No Choice

I am embracing the myth of eternal love, the never
ending, the always, the all and everything that is…
because it is…I am creating that place, that moment
suspended; dragged across my consciousness
landed in my field of view, impinging on my life—I am
embracing the myth of Olympian love.

I am looking inward to see outward

I am falling hard and fast toward that ever-after, that
middle of nowhere/never surrender life; giddy awareness
of shaking tenderness, of waiting and having while
knowing and not knowing battle in my perception, the
mystical remnants of an historically holy effervescence
cushioning catching me as I fall hard and fast

I am rushing into slowing down

I am utterly swayed and deluded into the idea, the scent
of acquiescence permeating me, staining emotions
creating scars of remembrance where once I only owned
dreams visions feelings of a past tied into small tight
knots of misunderstanding, only an inkling of the depth
of my delusion, the swaying of that untouched idea

I mistrust in order to believe

I am embracing and I am deluded and I am falling fast
and hard with full awareness with no reservation with the last
card turned up; I am here and I am here, again and again
always pushing my dreams into the next frame, the pre and the
post-apocalyptic idea that my narcissism itself will bear me
toward that Olympian ideal, toward that eternal love.

I am choosing to have no choice.

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