Spartacus; Damn Artistic

OK. So I just binged the 3rd season of Spartacus; War of the Damned. Yep, 9 out of 10 episodes all watched today. The last one is next Friday and I have 1 word to say about the last 9 hours or so; Slo-mo. Glorious, magnificent, instagram-like, blood spewing in huge goopy arcs across the room, sweaty bare bodies thrusting, thrusting, thrusting, super, sometimes stuttering slo-mo. I love this show, I should say, although I think you’ll figure it out anyway just from the writing here. I love it not just because they all talk in upper-class British accents and pseudo-iambic pentameter and they all look amazingly beautiful in a best porno you’ve ever seen kind of way but because if a character is introduced, you know that within 10 minutes you’ll get to see them naked. Definitely….and it will always be in that sweaty bare bodies thrusting, thrusting, thrusting slo-mo. That can be both a good and a bad thing, depending on how progressive you are (see what I’m talking about in a later section). Oh, did I mention that it’s all very artistic? Well, artistic in a best porno you’ve ever seen kind of way.

If you have been watching the show then you know about ol’ Tiberius and the right good ass-kicking he got…but, again, I was hoping for the “spear through the back of the head” death (a show favorite) as he was a prissy little pissant of the highest order. I mean, he did do the ol’ spear thrust through the stomach thing to Crixus so why not the same for him? And speaking of him, I have to say that Crixus is a huge asshole who basically just wants to run in and fuck everyone up or “die gloriously” which, at least from my perspective, is not a very good long term plan. I never could see why Spartacus put up with the jerk-off and the whole “just a head on a funeral pyre” when they gave Crixus his send-off to the other side was a little sad…but couldn’t of happened to a nicer fella. Also, Crixus’ girlfriend Naevia is a total See You Next Tuesday (um, spell it out in your head) who I really wanted to see a Centurion push a razor-sharp spear out through her face. With super slo-mo splurty-red blood blasting out with it of course.

Another thing that was kinda interesting was that it seems Italy (they range all over the country, not just Rome) back then was a very progressive society. Not only was there some very artistic, non-gratuitous (did I mention artistic?) sex between impossibly fit and muscled men and women, there was also some muscle on muscle action. Yep…that’s what I said; sweaty bare heavily muscled boy bodies in thrusting, thrusting, thrusting super slo-mo for your viewing pleasure. Or maybe for the viewing pleasure of someone you know. Actually, tell that someone you know that the whole show is basically an hour long homoerotic love fest of sweat sheened muscles and black leather. Like I said, interesting…at least the camera angles had to be a little different versus the hetero sex scenes.

Next Friday the 12th is the final show. It’s on Starz which I know not a lot of people get but I think it’s worth it if only because it’s so damn artistic.

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