Do you matter?
I was watching a trailer for a movie and one of the actors said (venomously) to another that the character was deathly, existentially, afraid that they “wouldn’t matter”…and that got me thinking.
Matter to who?
The idea that we are inherently insufficient (emotionally fragile, easily broken) is an oft heard message in media, in our homes, in our work…our whole lives…and makes us dependent upon the judgment and validation of other people. We constantly seek to “matter” to other people because…why? Apparently because we cannot matter to ourselves and have that be the “end all be all” of living. We, in most cases, simply don’t know how.
Should I care if you give a shit about what I am writing right now? Does it matter that you read it at all?
There is no obvious answer except the knee-jerk response of “Hell yeah!” because it’s information that I think is important and would like to share with my peeps…thinking that they would profit (intellectually) from its knowing. And profitable peeps are happy peeps. But the question still hangs in the air as to why I should care if you care.
We’re social animals, of course, but we’re also independent creatures who are able to exist without other people (most of us anyway) so the idea that we “matter” to others is really based on that sociability factor and less on our own self-validation. Which is to say that if we value ourselves sufficiently, we don’t need reassurance from others and therefore don’t need to matter to them.
But no one got laid by not mattering…
…so, yeah…you matter…
…but not in the way that you think you do. I believe that you matter when you love yourself—fully accepting everything about yourself and fully aware of how you live your life—so that you can really love other people, I mean truly love them. You matter to them when you give them unquestioning, unconditional and supportive love…and you can only do that when you believe you actually matter to yourself, first and foremost.
You matter when you believe you do.
Believe. Go. Do.