Life Denied

 

The passing of the empty hour, a
motionless minute of standard sadness,
regular like the seasons, he lay his head
on trusted pillow on forgotten dreams…
weeping tears of fear and resignation,
all aligned with a vision
of his life denied.

Designed by shadow by fate by
reckoning and estimation he died the
way he ultimately lived; quiet alone and
empty with none of the echoes considered
required in a social world, in a miss-
matched life of piety and progress he
flowed less than he ebbed.

And such large dreams they were with
bright fortresses of happiness all shining
and strong against the tide the time
of emotional negligence against the
never ending battle between now and
then, against the need and the want and
the effort to not fall apart.

It was birth then was school and as a
prodigy yet unearthed he excelled at
being who he was, who destiny
set him to be…a rolling ball toward the
edge knowing seeing feeling the drop
coming; wildly patient as the razor
slice of reality approached.

College, the first sign of grey clouds of
blurred reality, depression deep sorrow of
simply being alive without permission
granted…without consult or quibble he lived
without living finally he thought but it wasn’t
and he met and he married and he didn’t
know why.

Work became his life’s demanding twin
mindless motions derived from habit from
sadness from the dull thud of time stamping an
impatient foot toward a goal end objective
less understood as tolerated as mortgage
and status and circles of friends traded
looks of quiet expectation.

His existence a show watched day in and
day out, without commercial break without
taste smell feeling his hands hanging
useless eyes forever scanning expressions
and greetings, goodbye’s and hello’s waiting
for the one recognized, the one made
from truth.

Marriage became divorce became an empty
heart; dissolved—so painfully slowly—into
a single light bulb hanging in an almost
empty room…his body lay where his forgotten
dreams pulsed once, twice and then were
gone like a small hesitant breath that
slips quietly away.

A last idea seeps from his consciousness
as soft darkness consumes him, bright for
an instant then fades, the last flare of a
conscious mind; “Fear denied me life denied
me strength denied me all and it’s father
author creator dies with me now and
sadly…I am finally happy.”

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