In that solid darkness of almost morning with

deafening whispers with simple segments of

time sliding past looking slowly like they might

stop wait have small conversations…I am in

that untenable moment that mystical pause

between knowing and needing

 

I feel something escaping me something a

little lost a little unsure but inside slipping gently

to the outside to the other side to the depths

of missing of meaning and I know that it is me

who is going going gone to the idea notion

that I missed and missed completely

 

She was and then wasn’t, that simple that

complicated I watched (didn’t want to watch)

myself forgetting forgoing the space where

she was is will be as time pulled her away

into a future bereft of me my mine and all

that I could be want feel see

 

Simple it seems difficult it is and always

just beyond reach of thinking I can’t stop the

future from coming making itself front and

center from being what I don’t want when what

I don’t want is never clear known around

when I need it the deepest most

 

I didn’t recognize the last goodbye the last

glance look touch I saw her walk away thinking

nothing different after as I did before and

I am less am slightly lighter, more lost than

found now but I recognize that what today is

is nothing less than it should be

 

I need want to apologize say deeply simply say

what will never mean enough never cover the

wound, I will…I want and that is where this idea

ends when the caption underneath the sad sad

picture only includes one name one person

smiling not smiling looking at my empty hand.