In that solid darkness of almost morning with
deafening whispers with simple segments of
time sliding past looking slowly like they might
stop wait have small conversations…I am in
that untenable moment that mystical pause
between knowing and needing
I feel something escaping me something a
little lost a little unsure but inside slipping gently
to the outside to the other side to the depths
of missing of meaning and I know that it is me
who is going going gone to the idea notion
that I missed and missed completely
She was and then wasn’t, that simple that
complicated I watched (didn’t want to watch)
myself forgetting forgoing the space where
she was is will be as time pulled her away
into a future bereft of me my mine and all
that I could be want feel see
Simple it seems difficult it is and always
just beyond reach of thinking I can’t stop the
future from coming making itself front and
center from being what I don’t want when what
I don’t want is never clear known around
when I need it the deepest most
I didn’t recognize the last goodbye the last
glance look touch I saw her walk away thinking
nothing different after as I did before and
I am less am slightly lighter, more lost than
found now but I recognize that what today is
is nothing less than it should be
I need want to apologize say deeply simply say
what will never mean enough never cover the
wound, I will…I want and that is where this idea
ends when the caption underneath the sad sad
picture only includes one name one person
smiling not smiling looking at my empty hand.