Willie Sutton, the famous bank robber, was asked why he robbed banks, his reply was “Because that’s where the money is.” So, when you ask the question “ why do people do the things they do”, don’t start looking at deep seated emotional reasoning or analyze their ongoing familiar relationships…unless you’re a licensed therapist or psychologist…no, you have to find out what the reward is that they are hoping to get by their actions—the payoff—because it’s that, ultimately, that is why people do those things.
Here’s a hint, the payoff is almost never money (unless they rob banks)
The point is that by understanding the end result, the (psychic) reward that people get from their actions, you can deconstruct their motivations and find the causal chain of those actions. Once you know that, it’s almost trivial to disrupt that causal chain and divert the person from continuing with their behavior. For example, if I know that a person gets a psychic reward by denigrating others and that the trigger and causal chain toward that action is if they are denied a choice in a matter, I will strive to make sure that there are choices…even if they are illusory choices…because then the chain never begins.
I know that I cannot change the underlying need for the designated psychic reward—only that person can undergo that type of change—but I do know that I can disrupt the chain.
Kind of like making sure there’s no money in the bank…
…or just making it seem that way.
Believe. Go. Do.