When confronted with hatred, racism, intolerance and the seemingly evil intentions of people it’s best, in the great majority of cases to just feel sad, and pity them for they aren’t responsible. People didn’t used to believe the earth was flat because they woke up one day and it just occurred to them. No, they were told it was flat. They were told by authority, by kings and courts, religions and priests…

…how could they not believe it?

Humans aren’t born to hate, to be racist or intolerant…they express these hurtful, damaging things because whomever they held out as an authority as they grew up told them that that was correct. Whether it was parents, their church, the clubs and organizations they belonged to…they were taught these things were true. Once these lessons are learned it is very, very difficult to undo those beliefs…even if their particular authority stropped teaching hate…

…but imagine how challenging it is when the authority doesn’t stop.

Remember this with your children, your friends, your church and club members—all of the people in your life—because you may not know that you’re an authority, you surely are to someone, maybe many people…

…and that means that *you* make a difference.

Your words.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

On a Friday night after work, 90% of all the actual brain activity happens before you step out the door…texting, emailing, calling (where are you? No, where are you?) figuring the perfect opposite sex magnet clothes, and again, another time…ok, again and finally, 2 or 3 more times, then it’s deep Yelp research and more texting, some more calling…so that by the time you step out that door, all the wheels are turning, all the gears in motion…and…

…you don’t go where you planned and the people don’t show up when or where they say and you feel stupid in your clothes and that place that was supposed to be so cool is not…at…all and you’re frustrated and mad and eventually drunk and wait, who’s that, my-oh-my then it’s conversation and it’s deep blue eyes and really? Oh that’s amazing, me too…until it’s too late o’clock then it’s a cab mumbling yes there no there yes here is fine…

…and the couch works it’s close, oh man a burrito would be perfec…zzzzzzzzzzz

Think about something you fear. Deeply think about it…turn it over in your mind, feel the terror, the uncomfortable feeling in your gut, the sweat starting to form…now stop. Now think about what could possibly stop you from feeling that fear, the many suggestions you’ve heard over the years, the sage and kind words told to you by parents, the lies you read on the internet…

…why didn’t any of that work?

When you look closely at the things you fear—I’m not talking about a wayward glance over the shoulder or a casual look from the corner of your eye but *really* looking at it—then what you notice more than anything is that the things you fear are the things you have the least amount of information about.

Think about it.

Fear of heights isn’t about the height, it’s about falling from up there and how do stop yourself, how do you keep from dying on impact…the fear of failure isn’t the failing part, it’s how do you do something you haven’t done before, how do you face friends and family after…fear of intimacy isn’t about being afraid to be intimate, it’s about how other people will react to your secrets, to your feelings , to the way you think…and on and on.

Fear is not some internal brain structure that we all have, it’s not something that is permanently tattooed on our brain and which needs a huge and complicated effort, psychological programs, etc., to deal with. When looked at closely, fear is simply the absence of the key information you need. Not *all* the information available but simply the stuff that counts to you.

The key to overcoming fear is to learn what that information is…and…um…well, that’s it.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

Contemplating the disparity of joy in this world, the depth of sadness and despair…the never ending wars, dismal poverty, the all-encompassing pain and suffering leading to fear and the hatred it breeds…the constant political and physical opposition of man against man, country against country…I have to think that we just didn’t know and that we really fucked up all those years ago…

…we really should’ve invented a much better god.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

We often think of it as a start, a
wedding, a moment where the
memory etched feelings of the
past; a line, a point from where
we were…and then we are, but
is that right? Is it a demarcation
or…is it a crossing of many arcs
and orbits all meant to be, all
meant to happen? Think of the
people, bubbles of energy all
on their own trajectory, all in
movement, all affecting all like
gravity like burning stars in deep
black space, far but small points
like swarms of lightning bugs we
are ever moving, ever orbiting
our future selves and now, my
friend has found her orbit, her
trajectory aligned with another,
found but fated, their directions
mated toward mutuality, toward
always and ever toward…so not
a start, a continuation of energy,
of love, meaning and bundled
motivation, gathered a family, a
moment in time, an eternity in
a thought she is orbiting herself
a well found, needed, deserved
happiness and pulling into her
orbit a family, a presence , a
joined arc, a combined future;
it is not a start but a continuation
of love, of being, of now.

Consider what happens when you get in a vicious argument with yourself—some people might call this making extremely difficult decisions—but in essence it’s an argument (a mean and nasty one too). Then think of what happens in the same type of argument with someone else. If it’s an intense, deep belief on both sides then each takes a position and holds their ground, disregarding the other’s point, irrespective the ideas and thoughts expressed. Each side *knows* they are right and that is that. There is no wiggle room…there is no backing down. Very rarely—almost never in fact—is consensus reached (think Palestine/Israel, death penalty in the US, less filling/more taste) so the argument itself becomes the status quo, accepted…it becomes a way of life.

Everyone loses. Constantly and consistently.

Now look at that argument you’re having inside…have you taken two opposing sides, staked out your position and are unwilling to budge? Have you just accepted the fact that you will never come to a decision? That there is no hope of reconciliation? That the argument is now your way of life…

… and you’re losing?

Sometimes we need to step a little away from ourselves—get some relatively objective perspective—in order to see if our unhappiness is simply a long running argument were having with ourselves. If it is then resolving your unhappiness may be just a matter of having one side capitulate it’s position and just let go….whereby one side “losing”…

…you win.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

Was reading about the controversy around Serena Williams Rolling Stone comments about the Steubenville girl who was raped. If you missed it , Serena said “She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

Since that story, she has retracted and apologized for her remarks and I thought, why?

Think about this…there are places in Africa where it is dangerous to be out of doors at night. Literally you are risking injury and death from animals such as lions, hyenas, etc. These animals are wild and will attack a human the same as they would another animal because that is what they do. There is nothing you can do or say that will stop them from being the wild animals they are. Nothing.

In those parts of Africa, why would anyone purposely NOT warn you about going outside after dark? Why is that even an option?

Of course it is the fault of the boys who raped the girl in Steubenville, no one is saying otherwise but, to Serena’s point, if she hadn’t been there in a degraded condition brought on by alcohol, there is a good chance that the fuckers who took advantage of her wouldn’t have. Rapists are typically situational offenders meaning that they are hyper aware of any circumstances where a woman is weak or in a degraded condition for which they have the significant advantage. They are cowards basically and won’t attack a woman who seems like she would fight back or even hurt them.

Why would you NOT want to warn women about being in a degraded condition amongst people she doesn’t know well? Why is that even an option?

What is the difference between a wild animal—who does violent things because it does not have any mechanism for modifying or controlling that behavior—and a rapist who apparently does violent things also because he does not have any mechanism for modifying or controlling that behavior. Women should absolutely take responsibility for their own safety (just the same as men should) but taking that responsibility does not in any way obviate the responsibility of men to control themselves.

To not warn women that there are men in this world who are little better than wild animals is the irresponsible choice…and…

…at least one public personality is willing to say this out loud.

Willie Sutton, the famous bank robber, was asked why he robbed banks, his reply was “Because that’s where the money is.” So, when you ask the question “ why do people do the things they do”, don’t start looking at deep seated emotional reasoning or analyze their ongoing familiar relationships…unless you’re a licensed therapist or psychologist…no, you have to find out what the reward is that they are hoping to get by their actions—the payoff—because it’s that, ultimately, that is why people do those things.

Here’s a hint, the payoff is almost never money (unless they rob banks)

The point is that by understanding the end result, the (psychic) reward that people get from their actions, you can deconstruct their motivations and find the causal chain of those actions. Once you know that, it’s almost trivial to disrupt that causal chain and divert the person from continuing with their behavior. For example, if I know that a person gets a psychic reward by denigrating others and that the trigger and causal chain toward that action is if they are denied a choice in a matter, I will strive to make sure that there are choices…even if they are illusory choices…because then the chain never begins.

I know that I cannot change the underlying need for the designated psychic reward—only that person can undergo that type of change—but I do know that I can disrupt the chain.

Kind of like making sure there’s no money in the bank…

…or just making it seem that way.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

I was watching a television show recently where people were fighting, fist fighting, and I realized what it takes to be able to do that. Not necessarily to win but to just get in there and do it. I watched professional fighters and I saw something…they didn’t particularly care about getting hit. It’s not that they weren’t scared, just that it seemed irrelevant, the getting hit part…

…just completely irrelevant.

And I thought that there is much to learn there about life. Not particularly the fighting part but the understanding what is irrelevant part…and just letting it go by. I mean fighters have a job to do and the irrelevant stuff—the fear of getting hit—is meaningless to them about getting the job done, it’s white noise. They turn that fear into just so much white noise…a meaningless background hum that soon is not even consciously heard.

Imagine that you can turn the things you fear in life into a meaningless background hum that soon you don’t even hear? Then the irrelevant stuff becomes meaningless to getting the job done…

…the living life part, that is.

Believe. Go. Do.

~TrevorZen

…and the sky opened
and the heavens fell
to earth with a crash,
the souls heard and felt
the just, the unjust
the many…all smashing
against the stones of
a wrecked humanity
a heavy wet thump boom
thump boom and
I could only watch
as the world ended
around me, crescendo,
of clashing light
and sound, a bastard
of a storm…I saw it end
the Song of the Siren
calling our doom, singing
our sadness…reaching
into our centers
releasing our lives
loosening the ties
that bind us to the land
the point of no return
the heavens fell
from the sky…
…and we were free.